..I'm afraid I have been lacking to find inspiration and motivation lately. The past couple months I have been suffering from a relapse in both depression and with my "lovely friend, Ed" (also known as an Eating Disorder...) These things have walked hand and hand, feeding each other and playing an unfortunately large roll in my life. However, earlier this year I had a taste of what life could be like without them. A life of freedom. Freedom to accept myself for who I am...Freedom to eat without fear...Freedom to just be me! That freedom tasted goood. ;-)
But as we all know, life has a way of changing quite often and at times without much warning. Instead of falling, looking at the road blocks that had landed in my path, and getting up to deal with them... I fell. Stared at the large blocks. Then grabbed some poptarts and everything else I could find to eat (or chose to starve myself). Sad but true.
I stayed there..confused and scared. The longer I stayed down though, the more my old habits were starting to find their way back to me. It didn't take long before I felt they had taken back control of defining who I was and how I live my life.
This is where you find me now. I feel stuck and very discouraged with myself. But in remembering that I have experienced joy and freedom in the past..this shows me that it can be experienced again. It is possible.
So. Instead of continuing to suffer in my relapse. I now choose to use it. I think I found my inspiration and motivation for my blog once again. ;-)
My next series of posts will be mostly centered around the journey to recovery. Not only my own recovery, but I hope to hear from you as well. I would love to see where your journey has/is taking, showing, and teaching you now. Let this be a place of encouragement and hope. We are not in this battle alone.
Ohh, sweetie, I understand what you're going through, I wrote about the steps I take to pull myself back up and out of the muck of depression in my blog depressionsgift.blogspot.com I'm not trying to promote myself, you can check it out or not as you like but my comment would be pages long if I didn't just give you the link.
ReplyDeleteWe all fall into the trap of old bad habits when things start to feel like they are finally going really well and we can either take it as the universe laughing at us or realize that everybody falters and that we do it to ourselves most often when things are going well and pick ourselves back up and start from where we are knowing that we will get back up to where we were a lot faster this time if we do the work.
I hope this helps, hang in there, just sharing and being honest about your struggles is a really huge step forward and I'm sure that a lot of people are proud of you for it, I know I am.
Good for you for finding a way to help yourself recover! Blogging can be a great support system. :-) I'll be saying a prayer for you, and I know you'll be able to overcome this again!
ReplyDeleteJust popping over from Windy Poplars to leave a word of encouragement. There is hope and joy and peace - I know it. I have found a book 'Love to Eat Hate to Eat' by Elyse Fitzpatrick (available on amazon) a great help for the girls I am discipling who struggle as you do. Every blessing :)
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