Song In Progress...

*One of my goals for the future is to be able to open my doors to anyone that may need a safe place to rest and recover from Ed. I want to be able to use my story to help others that are going through similar situations.
This song was written for them... <3

~A little girl
looks into the mirror
but doesn't like
who's staring back at her
so turning 'round
she throws her lunch away
..hoping to make a change

and it just tears me apart
..breaks my heart
that you can't see how beautiful you are
....

But it's for you I live
and it's for you I fight
..you give meaning to my life
and every morning I wake up
and the world is pressing down on me
it's you that's pushing me to try

And I am gonna give my all
until I feel there's nothing left
..I will not give up on you
..Cause you helped save my life


~She's 17
and crying once again
can barely breathe
feel no-one has listened
She's reaching out
why do you pass her by?
can't you hear her...screaming out for life?

and it just tears me apart
breaks my heart
that you can't clearly see how strong you are
.....

But it's for you I live
and it's for you I fight
It's you. inspiring my life.
and every time that I fall down..
and I feel I just can't get back up
I picture us
standing in our freedom
......

when you are weak
I want to be there
When you are falling
I want to help catch you
I want to be...the one that's by your side..




(and eventually this song may have an ending if I ever get around to writing it.. :-p )

Lonely Inspiration

Life with an eating disorder can be extremely exhausting and painful. I often feel alone, misunderstood and judged. I feel that people are more concerned about fixing me than they are with just loving me...As I am. Eating issues and all.

When the struggle with food starts up, I find myself backing away from people. I hate comments like "you're going to have to suck it up and get over it..your thinking is wrong."..."It's just food".."You're being selfish"..."It's just one milkshake...you're not fat, Amy"..etc.

I hate that feeling like I need to put on a happy face and be all bubbly and fun for people. When an eating disorder is taking up most of your energy at the moment...that's the last thing you really want to do.

Sometimes you just need to cry. Sometimes you just want to be held. Sometimes you need someone to speak truth to help fight out all the lies that go along with "Ed". I want to have real friendships. Friendships that one can be open and honest in....to have friends that you can spend your good days AND your bad ones with (without fear of being looked at differently or having them try to fix your problems). I want someone to love me when I'm laughing or when I'm crying...when I'm 120 pounds..or 220....when I'm happy Amy or struggling Amy...
I want someone to believe in me and to fight with me...


It's these feelings that help to inspire and push me on in life..
My life is not my own. I know God has allowed me to go through these things for a reason and that He can use my struggles to help reach out and relate to others. I'm not simply fighting for myself. I'm not just trying to get better so that I can live a free and peachy life..
I want to show people that recovery is really possible. I want to be there for others when they feel those same feelings of being misunderstood or judged. No one should feel like they have to fight alone...

To those that struggle with an eating disorder. To the cutter. To the one possibly thinking of ending your pain....
1. You're not alone
2. I'm not saying this just to say it..I've been where you have been..and There Really Is Hope!
3. I'm SO proud of you for fighting!
4. You are loved Just as you are.
5. You inspire and encourage me to move forward in my own journey...Thank You!
6. You got this! :)
7. I may not know you by name..but I'm praying for you

Let's believe in recovery Together!